something i’ve been thinking about a lot these past weeks. mainly because i so desperately wanted to let go of all the hard feelings that were so present lately. thinking of ways that would quickly get me away from feeling so much heavy stuff, from all the tears, the hurt and the fear.

i thought about how much better i was at letting go when i was younger. and then quickly realized that this wasn’t exactly true. because the ghost of losing a friend when i was a little girl still haunts me to this day. and all i used to do when heavy feelings came up was pushing far away whatever or whoever i held responsible for them. i don’t want to live my life like that anymore. i am not willing to accept the collateral damage just for the sake of not looking at my own hard feelings.

“if we numb the dark, we numb the light” is what brené brown so perfectly said. if we let go before looking at the darkness that made us want to let go in the first place, we’ll also lose out on so much joy. and possibility, because, as a friend recently told me “our fears can be our biggest strengths, if we listen to them.”

if i hadn’t looked at my fears of failing lately, i might have changed my path completely, given up my business that has just started and all the freedom, joy and excitement that comes with it. if i hadn’t dealt with my sadness and anger, i might have lost a friend who i actually don’t ever want to do life without. and i’m pretty sure both those outcomes would’ve haunted me more than the momentary hurt i was feeling ever could.

the gist of the story: it might suck, but we do need to look at what hurts if we truly want to move on and feel the lightness and joy and surge of energy after. and the end of the year might be a good time to do just that.